#30 French Conversation Etiquette｜French Language Column

When you study French, you may become interested not only in vocabulary and grammar but also in conversation etiquette. Even when people speak the same language, differences in conversational manners can greatly affect the impression they make on others.

Of course, conversational styles vary depending on the region, generation, and relationship between speakers. However, understanding some basic customs can help you communicate more naturally and pleasantly.

In this article, I will introduce the basic manners and customs you should know when speaking French.

Begin with a Greeting

When speaking French, one of the most important things is to begin with a greeting.

When entering a shop or speaking to someone at a hotel, restaurant, or train station counter, it is customary to say “Bonjour” (Hello) or “Bonsoir” (Good evening) before stating your request.

In Japan, you may sometimes ask a shop assistant a question or place an order immediately. In France, however, it is considered polite to exchange greetings before beginning the conversation. As a result, asking a question without saying anything first may sound somewhat abrupt.

It is also not unusual to say “Bonjour” when you make eye contact with a shop assistant or another person in a lift or a small shop. These brief greetings are an important form of communication that shows respect and friendliness.

When leaving a shop, you can also say “Merci. Au revoir.” (Thank you. Goodbye.) By greeting the other person not only at the beginning but also at the end of the interaction, you can bring the conversation to a pleasant close.

Use Tu and Vous Appropriately

French has two second-person pronouns: “tu” and “vous.”

“Tu” is used with family members, friends, romantic partners, close colleagues, and other people with whom you have a familiar relationship. “Vous,” on the other hand, is the polite form used with people you are meeting for the first time, older people, business contacts, and staff members in shops or hotels. It is also used when addressing more than one person.

As a general rule, you should use “vous” when meeting someone for the first time.

After you become closer, the other person may suggest switching to “tu” by saying “On peut se tutoyer ?” (Can we use tu with each other?) or “Tu peux me tutoyer.” (You can use tu with me.) In that case, you can begin using “tu.”

By contrast, using “tu” immediately with someone you do not yet know well may sound overly familiar or even impolite, depending on the situation.

Of course, “tu” may be used from the beginning in schools, among students, or between younger people. However, when you are unsure about your relationship with the other person, it is safer to begin with “vous.”

Do Not Forget “Please” and “Thank You”

In French, it is very important to include polite expressions. When asking someone to do something, you should generally add one of the following phrases:

• S’il vous plaît.
  (Please.)
• S’il te plaît.
  (Please.) — used with someone close to you

For example, when ordering at a restaurant, asking to see a product in a shop, or requesting directions, adding “S’il vous plaît” makes your request sound more polite.

When someone does something for you, you should express your appreciation by saying “Merci.” (Thank you.) or “Merci beaucoup.” (Thank you very much.)

After the other person responds with “You’re welcome,” you can also smile, nod, or add a phrase such as “Bonne journée !” (Have a nice day!) to make the interaction even more pleasant.

Express Your Own Opinion

In France, openly expressing your own thoughts is generally valued.

For example, when someone asks what you thought of a film, which dish you prefer, or what impression you have of a town, it may be better to express your own view, even briefly, rather than replying, “Either is fine” or “I do not have any particular opinion.”

You do not need to speak at length or use complicated expressions. A short comment such as one of the following is enough:

• Je pense que c’est très intéressant.
  (I think it is very interesting.)
• À mon avis, c’est une bonne idée.
  (In my opinion, it is a good idea.)
• Je préfère le café.
  (I prefer coffee.)

Even when your opinion differs from the other person’s, it is important to express it politely rather than dismissing their view. You can present your opinion as your own perspective by saying, in effect, “This is what I think.”

Listen Until the Other Person Has Finished Speaking

In France, it is important not only to express your own views clearly but also to listen carefully to what the other person is saying and continue the conversation while respecting each other’s ideas.

You are generally expected to listen until the other person has finished speaking before responding. Repeatedly interrupting someone may therefore be considered impolite.

You can also make the conversation flow more smoothly by using brief responses such as:

• Oui.
  (Yes.)
• D’accord.
  (I understand. / All right.)
• Exactement
  (Exactly.)
• Bien sûr.
  (Of course.)

By adding these short responses, you can show the other person that you are listening carefully.

Try Speaking Without Being Afraid of Mistakes

When studying French, you may worry about making grammatical mistakes or feel embarrassed that your pronunciation might not be understood.

In many cases, however, the other person will understand that you are making an effort to speak a foreign language. Your willingness to communicate is more important than speaking perfect French.

When you do not understand something, asking the other person to repeat it or to speak more slowly is also an important part of communication.

By taking part in real conversations, you will gradually become familiar with expressions and pronunciation that are difficult to learn from textbooks alone.

At first, simple greetings and short replies are enough. The more experience you gain, the more confidently you will be able to speak.

Summary

When speaking French, grammar and vocabulary are important, but so are manners that show respect for the other person.

The basic points of French conversation etiquette can be summarized as follows:

I believe that French conversation etiquette is not about memorizing difficult rules. It is a way of expressing respect for the person you are speaking with.

Rather than trying to speak perfect French, actively taking part in conversations will lead to better communication.